Today, I miss home.

I may have grown out of titles.

I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up, the ceiling light halfway on, and the far left window open. The dust from earlier has settled. I got out of work nearly four hours earlier than planned, which was great, but am bummed that I still had to miss what I'm sure is a beautiful dinner. There are some people that you meet and you know within seconds that there is a) something extraordinary to be learned from them, b) magical times ahead, or c) that they bring with them some part of the (fill in the blank, for me it's peace) you've been looking for. It astounds me on a regular basis that most of the adults in your life are those people for me. And that a few of them are even a,b, and c.

I cannot for the life of me begin this introductory speech that is due in two days, so I'm contemplating and attempting to find words for that concert that changed my entire heart this past thursday. I felt new. Like Nate kept singing, I felt alive. And he took what I feel for you and put it into words and melody. I can't stop thinking about it, yet I can't put it into much more words than what I just did. But it was a life-changing night. And I've never been so in love as when I caught your eye during The Gambler. Days can be shitty, and today was. But you keep me focused on the big picture. And the big picture is fucking golden.

I'm very different than I was this time last year. The only major aspect I can think of that may attribute to the type of personality changes I feel I've gone through is the exact thing I want to have absolutely no meaning. Or do I? When it first changed, I had no choice. Looking back, I like me better pre-reconstruction. But everything is relative. And hindsight is 20/20. I do have 20/20 vision, though.......anyway. Note to self: be more appreciative of things exactly the way they are at present.


I CAN'T WAIT until I can _______________________, when ________________ will not even be close to being an issue. Oh, and I'll get my own fucking ________.



How passive aggressive of me.
This blog was getting dull, anyway.

I'm learning how to balance. I've been very good at doing that naturally up until very recently, and I'm not sure what changed. Balancing is hard, it's stressful, and it can be discouraging. But in the long run, it's helping. I'm continually amazed by how things work out on their own, though. It could always be worse. Take a deep breath, Krystal.

An uncomfortable space and a much needed night off.

Into the Wild was one of the greatest books I have ever read. Also, I came across some old (and very short) writings today that I am now surprisingly pleased with....

A truck filled with Diet Coke passes, suggesting all those around it to "Enjoy!" I wonder how the driver feels about this, or if he's a Pepsi drinker. Is there a Diet Coke code of ethics? Is enjoyment a recommendation or a hope?

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Your left forearm is never bare. You use this space of skin like most use planners. The omnipresent Sharpie in your pocket covers these cells with duties and expectations that will never know your short term memory. And on the mornings that begin the way I like them to, your responsibilities are monogrammed across my neck.

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One too many steps in the dark; I leave foot patterns that I'll never live up to. The exit path is shaped like an angular snake. I hardly slither when I leave.

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I am safe under this umbrella of fluctuation. If there's no plan, there's nothing to be missed.
Does anyone have a map?

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..........I wish the girls who live above us would take off their heels.

I couldn't find the words to finish this.

I want to explain. I want you to know. I want you to feel the waterfalls that have been rushing over me the past few days. I want you to feel how extraordinarily overwhelmed I've been, like the most beautiful sunset that refuses to give in to the night.